I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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