pop tarts are not kleenex
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
