There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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