Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
