I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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