I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
