It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
