Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
