In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
sarcasm needs its own font
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I'm getting a collar when he gets back in to town! That's like the bdsm equivalent of getting his class ring!
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
So. Much. Porn.
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