cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
