I hate your face
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
