I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Was she always missing a tooth or am I just now noticing it?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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