There was a lot of him and a little penis
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
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