me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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