Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
