I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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