if you like me you must not know who I am
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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