Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Why is there bacon in the couch?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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