So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I am one with the molecules
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
