dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Randomize
