My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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