So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Randomize
