Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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