it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
