he wants to bone in the snuggie
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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