I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
