Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
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