I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
Randomize
