I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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