He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
Randomize
