The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
