my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
