Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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