OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
