I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
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