when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
