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Question. If Kwik Trip and Kum and Go were to merge, what would they call it? Kwik Kum or Kum Kwik?
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I think everyone, including the amish, know who you are after this weekend.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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