JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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