Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
