Joe is yelling at the trees again.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
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