he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
