Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
