The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
