guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
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