i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Randomize
