Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
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