Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
