i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
