So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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