As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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