If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
