forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
When I say I took advantage of you when you were drunk, I mean that I convinced you to let me paint cute little panda bears on all of your toenails.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
