Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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