im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
