just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
