We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
Randomize