eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Randomize
