between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
