Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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