just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
