I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
A+ Viking dick
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
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