Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
