Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
Randomize
