Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
