4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
