His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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