You can't motorboat a personality
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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