So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
two words: eviction party
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
They are going to name an STD after you.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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