so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
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