Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize
