Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Randomize
