You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
the condom got lost in my hair
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
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