fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
