Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
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