Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Randomize