its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
