He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
