Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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