and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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