Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
