This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
