You're a womanizer and a bitch.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
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