I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
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